Posts tagged listening

A prankster – call him Mr. Assumptions – wants to trip up even the best communicators among us.

 “You know what’s best,” he whispers in our ears while we write perfect messaging for our communications programs. “You know who they are and what they really need. They just don’t know it until you tell them.”

Uh, huh. Sure.

Obviously it’s best to avoid making assumptions, but it’s easy to do. You don’t even have to try, and the consequences are unwanted. Your communications program is off the mark and confuses your audience.

For me, an antidote to assumption-making is to remember a story a friend shared with me.

John lives in a neighborhood with a diverse cast of residents. While walking into the corner convenience store, one of his friends – a woman who is homeless – asked for a cup of coffee. John was happy to help.

Inside the store, he decided to go above and beyond and buy her a bagel, too. He said he was proud of himself for being generous and thoughtful.

Outside, John offered the coffee/bagel bonanza to his friend. She accepted the coffee and said “no thanks” to the bagel, adding, “I’m on a diet.” She wasn’t kidding.

 The experience, John said later, made him think about the assumptions he sometimes makes of others along with his solutions to their needs.

His story encouraged me to take a fresh look at my own practices. I do so regularly and have concluded it’s essential – especially for communicators – to avoid assumptions by:

• asking someone what they want or need.
• listening from their perspective, not ours. 
• resisting the temptation to fit their responses into our predetermined solutions.

Listening without assuming. It’s easy to understand the theory, but it’s not always easy to practice it.  We need to try. Goodbye, Mr. Assumptions.

Ears are underrated.

Although they are free (sorry, App Store), are always with us and require only basic maintenance, our ears often don’t get put to use. Yet they are priceless in connecting with others.

Communications professionals – or anyone who interacts with others – can benefit from using theirs to listen first and communicate second.

Listening has served me well. It has helped me write the right message, coach executives and lead teams through difficult changes. Following are three things I’ve learned and tips to consider.  

Everyone wants to be heard. I learned this best after transitioning to operations management from corporate communications. Accountable for staffs up to 200 people, I quickly discovered most people have opinions and ideas about what’s working well and what could be better. When you’re the person in charge, people want you to listen to them – especially if they haven’t been heard before. Tip: Make time to ask someone what’s on their mind, remember what they say, and repeat what you heard. Besides being the right thing to do, it builds relationships.

Relationships are how things get done. When you listen to someone, trust, respect and understanding take seed and help people connect with you and vice versa. Those alone are wonderful things, and they bloom into relationships. From there you grow an entire garden of possibilities since relationships are how things get done in most parts of our lives. Tip: Make time to listen to people every day. It can be scheduled or ad hoc. The point is to do it.

What’s in it for me? Most of us quietly ask ourselves this question when we read or listen to something, so it’s crucial for communicators and leaders to have the answer. And not the answer you think is right but rather the answer your audience told you they expect. When a metric in my operations business was sliding, I looked to data but also walked the office. What people told me gave color to the data and answered WIIFM. I used it in town-hall meetings to talk about the metric problem, what I heard from everyone, and the changes we would make. The metric improved within a week. Tip: To get the WIIFM answer, ask your audience. They appreciate it.

That’s what I’ve learned. Want to share your thoughts? I’m listening.